Ownership

September 2-All in all, I am in a good space following my first chemo session and I am hanging low today and feeling my way through it.  The bad news, Randy and I were in the infusion center for 10 hours yesterday—long, long day.  It is sorta like when you go to the airport for a trip, you lose a little bit of power and independence when you cross the threshold, same as with the chemo, you can either be flexible and enjoy the ride or buck the system and make it miserable and an anxious situation for yourself and others around you.  I chose  to go with the FLOW….most times that is my style and yesterday I was the idea patient.

On a happy note, Randy and I were at the Kaiser in San Marcos today, because, I have a weekly standing office visit to check my fluid level and the possibility of a thoroscentisis was a real one—but today the sun has been shining brightly and no drainage of fluids was happening for me! Yay!! Only bad thing, had a big touch of insomnia last night, and really didn’t sleep—up at 2:30 am and until we left for the docs at 8:00 am and  I just got up from a 2 hour nap now J.  I was more than a little upset with myself, I mean, I was bone tired last night and to not be able to sink blissfully to sleep bothered me as I was when I was sitting on the patio and listening to early morning wake up noises-thank you little birdies, what a calming symphony  at 4:15 am

And it finally happened, don’t know if it was the excessive amount of time that we were in the infusion center, or the multiple times that I carted my iv stand and sassy self to the bathroom but I am finally recognizing that this situation is a life changer.  Got to admit, I feel more than just a twinge of self pity, but I believe I have that right—but don’t be too shy to tell me to knock it the F off and get on with it.  I will need somebody to tell me that, I know, and Randy has quickly volunteered for the job. Hehehe